Although many people disagree, there is a very fine line between discipline and child abuse. This is a subject that is often hotly debated by people on both sides of the issue. At its extremes, there are those who claim that virtually anything they do to their child is nothing more than discipline; and there are those who assert that to even speak sharply to a youngster is child abuse. They are both wrong.

The American Psychiatric Association defines abuse as “any behavior which is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults.” Parents, teachers, and other adults who justify these patterns of behavior by calling it “discipline” are as far off the mark as they could possibly be. Those, especially, who keep weapons handy for the purpose of inflicting pain on children are attempting to control the child through the use of fear. They want to “show him who’s boss.” The most that they can expect is a child who obeys because he is afraid of what will happen to him if he does not.

Abuse can be verbal as well as physical. A pattern of name-calling, threats, or other verbal assaults which make a child afraid or humiliate him, is child abuse. The parent who consistently tells his child that he will never amount to anything, that he’s no good, that he is worthless, is verbally assaulting his child.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who believe that children should never be given limits, never be subjected to the word “no,” and allowed to do whatever they choose. These types of neglectful parents are setting their children up for a lifetime of disasters in the real world.

Discipline is an entirely different subject. Discipline is based on structure and guidance. It is most effective when a parent treats his or her youngster as a small-sized human being who is due the same respect and courtesies as anyone else. The parent who puts his or her time into guiding a child in the right direction, setting a good example, allowing leeway for imperfections, and setting reasonable consequences for mistakes, is the parent who is practicing true discipline. Discipline is a matter of preparing a child in his growing-up years for becoming a responsible adult who respects himself, other people, and the basic laws and standards of society. Discipline provides a youngster with a conscience– child abuse does not.

Nearly everyone “blows his stack” on rare occasions. Nearly everyone can have a negative reaction to something such as a small child running into a traffic-filled street. While an isolated incident does not generally amount to child abuse, a pattern does. If a child has a very low opinion of himself, or is afraid of his parent, or is obedient only because he fears the consequences, this is not a child who has structure and guidance in his life. He is a child who has been subjected to abuse, instead of discipline.