There’s a popular statistic that claims 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. While this particular figure is overly pessimistic, there’s no denying that there are a lot of women in the dating pool who have been married in the past. While that doesn’t mean that these women are “damaged goods”, there are some things that men should be careful about when dating a divorced woman.
First and foremost, it’s a good idea to be honest with your intentions up front. If a woman was married, and she wants to be married again, then chances are good that they may be looking for more than casual dinner dates. If on the other hand a woman found marriage to be too confining, then perhaps she doesn’t want anything too serious too soon. If you’re up front with what you want and what you’re looking for, it will most likely encourage the same response from her and save a lot of grief.
Another thing that men who are dating divorced women should keep in mind is just what marriage can leave a person with. Many marriages end with houses, cars, and even raising children being divided. If you’re only going to be dating a divorced woman casually, then this may not be overly important – but if you’re contemplating getting serious, it’s best to know what she took away from her last marriage. This includes both financial responsibilities and emotional baggage.
It’s a strong possibility that, unlike other break ups, a divorced woman probably interacts with her ex on a semi-regular basis. This could be for dropping off kids, because they’re still friends (there was enough to get married, so one would assume there was a reason), or for a variety of other reasons. If you’re a jealous sort of guy, or if she’s not sure that she’s really over him despite the divorce, this could be a problem that you’ll need to solve before getting more serious about each other.
There are also a few assumptions about divorced women that men should learn to get over because they’re more of a stereotype than anything else. For one thing, divorced women aren’t necessarily high maintenance women, or poor naive victims. A marriage takes two people to work, and it takes two people not to work. Additionally, a woman doesn’t have to be middle aged to be divorced (many women get married very young and realize within a year or two that the marriage was a bad idea), nor does she fit into a certain socio-economic level. If you expect certain things from a divorced woman, then you might end up shooting yourself in the foot.
For the most part though, dating a divorced woman is just like dating any other woman. Be honest, up front, polite, and open minded. The story she tells might have different details than the ones other women will tell, but so what? If you try to fit people into a category, then chances are good that you’ll miss a lot of good things you wouldn’t have if you’d kept your eyes open.
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Thank you for writing this article, but I wanted to run this situation by you to get your take.
I’ve been dating a divorced woman for just over a month now. She’s been divorced for a little over a year after her ex cheated on her. She’s 30 and I’m 29. The first couple of weeks were great, we clicked well and really enjoyed each other’s company. We’d typically see each other a couple times a week and would really act like a couple without the title.
We ended up having sex one night and the next time we met up, she really started acting really odd. She couldn’t really look me in the eye and just acted distant. The time after that, we had a talk about where we were in the relationship (the DTR if you will). What came out of that was that she just wanted to take things slow (in fact cut down the # of times a week we saw each other), that she wasn’t really ready to get into anything serious yet (understandable), but still wanted to see me and continue to date. She apparently thought that I was looking for something hugely serious, which I wasn’t necessarily thinking.
We talked about all kinds of things that night and I think that it cleared up a lot of things. I think that both of us played “safe” for awhile, but then as we both saw that we made it past the first 6 dates or so that it may be something worthwhile, which may scare her a little given the history. I told her that I’ve been 100% honest with her and would continue to do so, but I think that she has trust issues (obviously) and may have started to become emotionally unavailable or put a wall up as feelings started to develop.
What’s odd is that she asked if I was dating anyone else and I told her no. Then we both proceeded to admit that both of us would be a little disappointed/jealous if the other went on a date with someone else. Not that either of us had plans to do so.
At the end of the day, we decided to take things slow, and I think that it really relieved both of us to discuss things. We’ve been really open with each other about everything and plan to do so in the future.
Now, my question is for any of the guys who have dated a divorcee successfully and how they approached it? Are there any things that you would recommend or any kind of different approach to dating her? Anything that you can see from this post that I should not do or change?
She really is an incredible person and we both think highly of one another, it’s just getting through this initial period that will be tough. Ultimately, patience and understanding (talking things out) appear to be the keys.
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I know this is an old post, but my comments as a woman in the middle of a divorce is that when you have suppressed your feelings for a long time, and you have just gotten over the hurt of a broken relationship. Dating again makes you go thorugh a range of emotions.
Normally in a faithful marriage, we get attracted to other people but we don’t act on it because we are loyal to the spouse. When you get into a new dating relationship you have to remind yourself that it is okay to have feelings for another man.
You also may doubt your abilities to be attractive to another person or your judge or character. So when you start feeling butterflies in your stomach for another person you wonder do i like this person or has it just been a long time since I felt this way and am I being carried away by emotion.
I have been online dating and I find I get scared when i start talking to someone every day, because I am fond of them, it becomes intense and you feel you need to slow it down because you get obsessed think about your new romantic interest too much, and there is also the worry about physical attraction leading to sexual action which is a whole other can of worms. Also relationships are time consuming. At the beginning of a love relationship somestimes you spend hours talking on the phone when you should be doing laundry or doing other things to keep life organized
My advice is be patient show that you like her, give her time to feel she can trust you and relax enough to let her feelings show
Good luck
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